i wanna cry but i won't

its not a post.. its what i am feeling now. I feel something in my heart. a little pain. I know why i feel it. Have met a lot of people. I know how it feels to have no one to guide and no to yell on you. But i am not feeling that because of this reason. Because i can't say it to anyone neither can i put it in writing. Its a secret thats been with me long time. Its killing me. Not a day goes by when i don't think about it but but but... i can't do anything about it. You know why? Because i am doing a business thats why?

I know that i -----------(contains spaces also)

its like all my energy has been drained out of my body. I feel no strength.

I am a bad person. I used to think that i am one guy whose got great friends. I mean to say that i am great guy with whom other can be friend with. But i am not a great friend. I know it. Ted is far better than me. Vinit is. So many others are. Why not me.

For long i wanted to pen my thoughts. I need to tell it someone. It hard keeping it all with my self. I know what love is. I mean i understand what pure/true love is. I also know that mine is not pure/true love. But believe me when i say that its deep. May not be pure but it is deep. And i don't wanna come out to the pure side of love. I am no saint who can love all. My love is selfish. I am an average person.

Been really long before i suceed. And then i will tell her but then it might be too late.

Pata hai.. why do i call myself not a good person. I will tell you. Because i am not happy that my dad and my family love me soooooo very much. my uncle who is not in good health travels 100 kms on bus to see me. because he loves me soooo much. I am here. Just doing nothing, Talking about a crush or love whatever it is. I am doomed.

Do you know when i was in 8th std. i got 13/100 in biology exam.

whatelse....

i know that i will achieve all what i have decided to do. but i really don't know how it would feel being there all alone. i don't believe that i will be all alone there. if not she, someone else. But. I mind is playing games with me.

i don't know how will my life change change.. wheather it will cahnge at all if she says yes. God knows. There . I also know that life is an illusion. It will end. Death is a reality which will finally come. But again i am just another normal guy. Knowing the truth i am doing ntohing. You know... at several ocassions i think of things i will do if i come to know that earth is goin to end tomorrow. I will call ted. I will talk to vinit. and i will talk to ....... But i won't tell her even then about it. Because she will feel bad in case she will ahve to say no to me.


And then i will feel much more miserable. yes now i got the word. I am feeling miserable.


Didn't i say i am a bad person. i just proved it. see i did not mention that i would talk to my mum, dad and uncle and brothers and my nephew and niece. Thus proved.


i still won't cry because bad boys don't cry. they make others cry. bye.

i bet no one will reach this post till the end. just to see who does... can you make a guess of the fill in the blank that i left empty. try it alteast. if you are not able to think comment saying rani mukherjee. but that doesn't meet the dots.. does it. no it doesn't.

anyways i am screwed. bye. again bbye.